2022
"2022" is my introduction to the album. It's a short monologue talking through my influences and motivations for writing the album.
Undertow
"Undertow" is an instrumental track that symbolizes the initial pull into a new, transformative journey. This song represents the moment I decided to dive into electronic music production, inspired by seeing Flume at ACL in October 2022. It was the third track I created after starting with EDM Prod tutorials, marking my transition from passive learning to active creation. "Undertow" captures that overwhelming yet exhilarating force that pulled me into this new chapter.
Chasing Stars
"Chasing Stars" marks the beginning of my journey into the unknown, my decision to venture out on my own. It’s about recognizing that what I had wasn’t what I wanted or needed, and setting out to find something more fulfilling. This song captures the excitement and fear of stepping into the unknown, embracing the adventure, and searching for something greater. The track reflects the start of my quest for self-discovery and personal growth, incorporating themes of AI and the universe, symbolizing the vast possibilities and the beginning of a new, transformative adventure. The voice in "Chasing Stars" represents the universe speaking to me, guiding me on this new path, as if an unseen force was encouraging me to break free and chase my dreams.
The Truth
"The Truth" captures the façade I maintained in my marriage, presenting a perfect image to the outside world while hiding my true feelings of unhappiness. This song is about the lies we told ourselves and others to keep up appearances. It's a reflection on how we pretended to have a happy, functional relationship when, in reality, we were both deeply unhappy. The pressure to maintain this illusion became unbearable, leading to a breaking point.
Save Me
This track delves into my lifelong struggle with PTSD from a traumatic childhood. "Save Me" is about my tendency to look for someone to rescue me when things get too intense. It’s a pattern that led to toxic relationships and unrealistic expectations. The song builds to a dramatic climax with a huge string section and a gunshot before the final drop, symbolizing the intense emotional turmoil and my battle against suicidal depression.
Hold Me
"Hold Me" reflects the period when my ex-wife and I were desperately trying to hold onto our failing marriage. The song feels like "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" by John Mayer—it captures that sense of inevitable collapse despite the lingering intimacy. Including my guitar playing in this track was a significant step for me, and I love how it's a central part of the drop, especially the Avenged Sevenfold-style harmonized lead near the end. This track represents the heartbeat of our relationship, building tension as it comes to an end.
Water
"Water" marks the point where I realized I wasn't happy in my marriage. The rising tension in the song represents my anxiety about what that realization meant and the consequences it would bring. It was the beginning of my journey, the moment when I started to face the truth about my life. The breath beat builds tension like a rising panic attack, culminating in a powerful drop. This track is a metaphor for my struggle to survive the overwhelming realization that my life needed to change.
The Desert (Searching)
"The Desert," originally titled "Searching," is an interlude that marks the beginning of the hero’s journey. This track symbolizes my decision to venture into the unknown, leaving behind my old life in search of something greater. It represents the moment of stepping out into the desert, both literally and metaphorically, to find myself and my purpose. This song captures the essence of exploration, the vastness of the unknown, and the courage it takes to start anew. It’s a critical point in the album, setting the stage for the transformative journey ahead.
Voidwalker
"Voidwalker" is another interlude track that plays a crucial role in the narrative. This song represents my realization of my gift to project myself through technology. Video games have always been a significant part of my life—they were my escape from reality. Whether it was Legend of Zelda, Pokémon, or Halo, I projected myself into those worlds to hide from the dangers of my reality. "Voidwalker" symbolizes this ability to project my essence into new realms, using technology as my medium. Over time, I've come to see this skill as a superpower. People have often commented on how much time I spent in video games, but I've realized that this ability to immerse myself fully is a unique strength. As technology evolves and becomes more powerful, this skill has given me an edge. It's not just about escaping anymore; it's about projecting myself into theoretical situations, solving complex problems, and building a career around it. "Voidwalker" is an embrace of who I am and the journey I've been on, highlighting this superpower that I now deeply appreciate. This track is part of the dark night of the soul, symbolizing the transformation and acceptance of my true self.
It Ain't Right
"It Ain't Right" is a track born out of frustration and confusion. After all the growth and self-discovery, I found myself still grappling with the feeling of not knowing what I'm doing. This song captures the pain of missing someone deeply and the realization of how much their absence affects me. It's an emotional acknowledgment of my missteps and the struggle of putting myself out there only to feel like I've failed. The song intentionally has a dragging, slow tempo to mirror the sense of everything feeling drawn out and not quite right. It builds up to a massive drop at the end, reflecting the emotional climax of realizing the depth of my pain and the brutal honesty of my situation. "It Ain't Right" is an expression of the lingering heartache and the ongoing struggle to come to terms with what has happened.
Ain't Ya?
"Ain't Ya?" was a major song for me. It came after I began artist coaching and realized how crucial it was for my mental health to dig through all my issues. This track holds a mirror to myself with the main hook: "just another wannabe gangster trying to play hard," followed by the answer, "Ain't Ya?" It forced me to confront the facade I was putting up, trying to act tough and defend myself. This behavior was a defense mechanism from my youth, an attempt to shield myself from the bullying and pain I experienced. "Ain't Ya?" is about stripping away those layers, facing the truth, and acknowledging who I really am. It was a crucial step in my journey of self-discovery and healing.
Shapeshift
"Shapeshift" symbolizes the transformation I've been going through, moving from the person I was to who I am now. This song is a wave, capturing the fluidity and constant motion of change. It’s about embracing the metamorphosis, accepting that growth means shedding old layers and becoming someone new. "Shapeshift" is a reflection on the journey of self-discovery, the challenges of evolving, and the strength found in that transformation. It represents the process of letting go of past identities and fully stepping into my true self.
Take Me Up
"Take Me Up" is the final track on the album, the culmination of my journey. This song is the realization of spilling my guts out onto the page, transforming all these stories and emotions into music. Creating this album allowed me to transmute my experiences and feelings, helping me understand who I am, what matters to me, what I’ve been chasing, and what I’ve been running from. Through this process, I’ve become more emotionally capable and strong.
"Take Me Up" embodies the energy and elevation I feel after this journey. It’s about rising above the pain and struggles, embracing the person I’ve become, and stepping into the power that comes with this new life. The track is a celebration of releasing the past, unleashing my true self, and bringing that strength back to my world. Like the hero’s journey, it signifies returning home with newfound wisdom and power, ready to face whatever comes next.
Chasing Stars.elevate()
Chasing Stars.elevate() is a remix of the first song I ever wrote as an electronic producer, and it holds a special place in my heart. This track represents my journey of stepping back into the world after my divorce and finding solace in music production. I sent the original version of Chasing Stars to my friend Christian Ramos, also known as CRVTE, who spent considerable time working on it and truly brought it to life. His contributions elevated the track to new heights, and I absolutely love the final result. As an AI expert in the software industry, AI has been a constant companion in my creative process, mastering the track and guiding me emotionally. This song signifies a logical step into the next chapter of my life, reflecting both my personal growth and my evolving relationship with AI. I'm currently developing a website to share the full story of my journey with AI, both personally and professionally. Chasing Stars.elevate() is a testament to the power of collaboration with both my community and AI in my creative endeavors. I hope this track resonates with others as much as it does with me.
